This Mother Day fills me with mixed emotions. With the loss of my son Nate a little over 3 months ago I am still working through the waves of grief that come out of nowhere. I have had actually a very good week, my sweetheart and I working on some projects together which has been a big part of that but on Friday I hit an all time low. A change of plans rocked my world and I was shocked at how much that effected me. Friday became a day of tears… After looking back I realize that my ability to handle even the littlest of changes is compromised due to this path called mourning I am on.
In the “Mourner’s Bill of Rights” I was given from the funeral home is reads
#5 – You have the right to experience “Griefbursts.” – Sometimes, out of nowhere, a powerful surge of grief may overcome you. This can be frightening, but is normal and natural. Find someone who understands and will let you talk it out.”
So again I am reminded that I am “normal” in this process of grief. With continued learning I am able to pick myself up and look forward with hope finding Doses of Joy along the way.
Yesterday my son Matt, child #4 and his wife Natalie took me on a 14 hour day trip, just the 3 of us. It was my Mother’s Day adventure from them. We went on what is called the Cascade Loop, a road trip of about 415 miles that took us on the North Cascade Highway through the Rocky Mountains to Winthrop, WA, Chelan, Leavensworth and back through Stevens Pass, Sultan, Monroe and back home. There was NO time table and NO specific place we “needed” to get too. The landscape was stunning, wild flowers, mountain streams and rivers, meadows and evergreens against a sun filled sky was perfect. Conversations, tears, laughter and memories filled the car and love deepened as we visited about everything including missing Nate. It truly lifted my spirits and reminded me how blessed I am to live in this beautiful world the Lord has created for us.
The time spend with my son and his wife also reminded me that I have MUCH to be thankful for. That I am surrounded by my other 5 children, their spouses, grandchildren, my sweetheart, parents, brothers & sisters, friends etc who need me and I NEED them. That I have been BLESSED with an abundance of sweet memories that will never fade of my sweet Nate.
SO no matter how much this day, Mother’s Day pulls at my heart strings I CHOOSE to look for the DOSES OF JOY and count my blessings that I have much to live for and much to do. I know Nate is safe, healthy and happy so I will do the same. Seek to look at the good, the precious, the gifts from above I have been blessed with and find Happiness on this path of life even when it is hard to do. Grateful for Hope, Faith and Eternal Perspective. Grateful for Mothers in my life BOTH who are still living – 1st my Mother who has set a beautiful example for me of what womanhood and true love is. Who has been by my side every step of the way encouraging me and reminding me that life is good. 2nd for Scott’s Mother who is amazing and who has loved me from day 1 like her own. I know I am doubly blessed!
My Prayer for anyone who may read this blog is that YOU find Doses of Joy each day and whether your Mother is here on earth or in heaven with my son that you take time to reach out to her and thank her for giving you life and all the other things that they do to sacrifice for us.
“Being a mother is learning about strengths you didn’t know you had and dealing with fears you didn’t know existed.” – Linda Wooten
“The joy in motherhood comes in moments. There will be hard times and frustrating times, but amid the challenges there are shining moments of joy and satisfaction.” M. Russell Ballard
“The most precious jewels you’ll ever have around your neck are the arms of your children.” – Author unknown
Proverbs 3:5-6 ¶ Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. 6 In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.