Today marks 3 months since our son Nate passed away. I found myself looking at the clock counting down the minutes to 10:59am and remembering the last little while with him here on earth. YES tears are streaming down my face. Not because I worry about him, I know he is happy, whole and busy in heaven. Just miss him…
I went back to the cancer.askdavis.com blog Nate and I did during his fight with cancer and read all the comments that were written when he passed. For some reason they are comforting to me, maybe it is because as time goes on and life must go on as a mother, I worry that he will be forgotten. I know that is not rational but as I go through this mourning process many things are not rational but they are real to me.
We were given a “Mourner’s Bill of Rights” from the funeral home. 3 of the points in it says – “You have the right to feel a multitude of emotions.” “You have the right to talk about your grief”,” You have the right to treasure your memories.”
When waves of emotions come or I question if what I am going through is “normal” I look at this sheet and I can say “I guess I am OK, it is just part of the process.”
One of our sweet friends sent the lyrics to this song. I read it again today and felt the message ring true. We have been BLESSED to have Nate in our lives and we will be BLESSED to see him again some day.
So today my Dose of Joy is CHOOSING to count my blessings!
Nate did that – he focused on the positive.
I have much to be thankful for and much to look forward to. This life is a test but we are not alone. No matter our situation there is HOPE if we look to the source of Lasting Hope and Love – to the Savior. So instead of focusing on Tuesdays and my loss, I am going to choose, like Nate’s beautiful wife Alicia and their amazing children Anna, Brooklyn, Cami and Drake to celebrate on the 5th of every month that Nate made it to Heaven!
Blessings by Laura Story.
We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love is way too much to give us lesser things
‘Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise
We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt your goodness, we doubt your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we’d have faith to believe
When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not our home
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
What if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are your mercies in disguise